Last week R’s school counselor called to talk to me because R has been telling her he wants to hurt people. More specifically he’s been saying he has the desire to hurt people but doesn’t actually *want* to — but if he gets angry enough, he will.
The counselor told me that he told her he’s stressed about all kinds of things; some legitimate (T hurting people), some not (R has too many chores, according to him). We had a meeting at the school. I brought my friend AT who has children with special needs and has been through the school district with them. She knows a lot about dealing with teachers and schools and IEPs. The school brought the counselor who called me, the special ed coordinator, and the principal.
On the whole the meeting went well. Thanks to years of therapy, R is very self-aware. He genuinely doesn’t want to hurt people. The school officials said they could see he has a heart. (Aside: some days I’m not sure T has a heart.) He’s outspoken about his difficulties, and thanks to some degree of autism (which I’ll write about another time), he talks to people incessantly. So what I’m saying is that R has strong feelings and likes to talk about them. The school isn’t worried that he’s plotting world domination, because he’d undoubtedly tell someone about it first.
However, because he did threaten to hurt people, I had to get a “threat assessment” done on him.
When I brought it to R’s psychiatrist, he kind of laughed and said, “What am I, a mind reader?” No, you’re just the guy my insurance pays $150/30 minutes for who gives us Risperdal and Focalin. But he wrote the school a threat assessment. It said something like “He does not express active intent to harm people, and knows it would be wrong to harm people.” The note also mentioned that R’s IEP should accommodate his over-reaction to loud noises/being overly-stimulated.
To that end, the school suggested R stop taking PE. It is a requirement for our state — unless the IEP precludes it. R’s IEP is being changed to preclude it. PE is just too loud and over-stimulating for R; he over-reacts to the noise and stimulation by getting angry and feeling the urge to hurt people.
So no more PE for R. I don’t care; it’s a fine solution given the situation. R is fine with it too, but he worries a little that people will notice he’s not in PE and will make fun of him for being different. One day I’ll write about how both R and T are reading Wonder by RJ Palacio for school, and what an amazing book it is.
Mom of Kids with Mental Illness 